The Cost of Nonconformity: Why Living Authentically Is Worth It

Discover the personal cost of nonconformity—and why choosing to live by your own values can lead to more clarity, connection, and peace

This is an abridged version of my first article in a new four part series about living a Self-Reliant Life. This one is about non-conformity and reflects on how feeling out of place has been both a challenge and a blessing. Please read the full article over on my Substack, and follow to make sure you receive the next three posts in the series direct to your inbox.

What It Really Means to Be a Nonconformist

Have you ever felt like an outsider? Like an alien dropped onto this planet by mistake?

I have! I’ve rarely found myself aligned with the mainstream, questioning systems, traditions, and norms others don’t question. My own sense of otherness has roots in my early years travelling between Australia and Fiji. Living parallel lives between cultures and countries meant switching, adapting, and not quite fitting anywhere in particular.

Being a nonconformist means having different ideas, and dancing to a rhythm that puts one out of step with the pack. This might sound admirable in theory. But it’s far more uncomfortable in real life. As Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote:
“For nonconformity, the world whips you with its displeasure.”

The Emotional Cost of Not Fitting In

This whipping can come in the form of judgement, labelling, and exclusion. Oftentimes, these acts of othering reflect discomfort with difference, or going against groupthink.

The cost of that can be devastating. It brings loneliness, attempts at moulding oneself to fit in, and can even lead to depression. I’ve felt the sting of not belonging. There have been times when I tried to dull that feeling, to self-medicate, to become more palatable to the norm. It rarely worked. I only felt further from myself.

How Living Authentically Changed My Life

Still, over the years, there have been gifts too.

The same feeling of being out of place also nudged me to keep moving across countries, careers, and ideas. It also led me to think deeply, seek answers to living a bigger life, and find courageous, like-minded people. These people aren’t afraid to question, to grow and evolve. They’re kindred spirits.

Why the Self-Reliant Life Is Worth It

The first step to living a self-reliant life is to trust your intuition. At first, this might be through trial and error. You’ll soon discover through hard-won life experience how much your gut knows before your mind. Then, the discomfort of standing apart becomes easier to carry, especially if you live your life authentically by your internal values. As Emerson wrote: “What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think… No law can be sacred to me but that of my nature.”

Naming and committing to your inner principles of living will help guide your decisions, shape the path you truly want to follows, and also make sense of the strange feeling of not belonging. 

You might still feel like an alien most of the time, but perhaps you can find peace and other kindred spirits to live your life to its fullest.

This is the first article in my four-part series about living a self-reliant life. In part two of this series, I’ll explore what it means to live by your inner values.